It’s like flicking a switch. On good weeks you’d see many a post being churned out here on A Little Bit of Everything. Not so good? A couple here and there. Then there’s the bad, which is what the blog is going through now. More than sporadic posts, no apologies, filler posts whatsoever to explain the absence of any sign of life here.
Today, I thought I’d sit back, breathe a little and speak out. Tell you what exactly I’ve been up to, how I’ve been feeling since coming back. For good.
I still shudder at the thought of me being back for good. Guess it still hasn’t quite sunk in yet. As much as I love home, a part of me still yearns for the place I spent a good 5 years at. More on that later.
I came home a couple of days before I hit 24. To some, turning 24 means ‘oh, you are getting old. When are you getting married?’ whereas to others, it simply means ‘What you are 24 and still jobless? Tsk tsk.’ I had a job. I was happily working abroad until reality struck: family is home, my boyfriend of 5 years and counting is home too and it is highly unlikely he will be coming back to the UK anytime soon due to the nature of his job.
I pondered long and very, very hard before taking the plunge and this is where some very good friends came into the picture. Friend / soulmate / vain glutton number 1: Stephanie was constantly there, encouraging me to do what’s best for myself. I even deprived Steph of sleep due to our then 7 hour time difference but she still patiently and resiliently, even stood by me and guided me into ‘doing the right thing.’ Then there’s friend number 2: Lily who also took the time and effort to advice and made me feel so much better when I was on the verge of a huge breakdown. Yep, Lily. That night when we had THAT conversation? I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. So thank you, for saving me from heading in that direction!
Then there’s the talk of depression. Coming home not knowing if I’ve done the right thing? Coming home without a job, leaving the UK when I had a stable albeit not-so-cool job that still paid rent and funded my *cough* expensive habit *cough*? I was depressed when I came home. I left some of my closest friends, work colleagues whom I consider family already over a thousand miles away. Suddenly home didn’t quite seem like home anymore. This sounds absurd but when you have spent a good 5 years away from home, coming home to a completely different culture gave me quite the shock. Yup. I have only been away for a relatively short amount of time and even though I spent the last 18 years growing up in Malaysia, being home after 5 gave me a panic attack.
Perhaps being abroad opened my mind (and eyes) to how ugly people at home can be. Driving in town and attempt to change lanes? Most of the time the car in the other lane will accelerate upon seeing your signal, hence denying you entry into their lane. Trying to cross the road with a zebra crossing? Good luck to you. More recently, bringing up an issue regarding poor customer service will result in you getting told off by said customer service assistant. This incident left me feeling raw and has nearly put me off purchasing anything from that brand.
An unsavoury event happened just two days before my birthday. This made me feel awful as I kept thinking: this would never have happened if not for my coming home. I suppose that was the start of being a little depressed. The high of celebrating my birthday with family took a bit of the upset away, only to come back days later when I faced the rejection of not bagging the job I initially thought I came back for. I then spent some time travelling, meeting the lovely Lily in person (finally!) and spent more time up north with my grandmothers.
Seeing my grandmothers brought all the sadness back. I have a feeling this is going to be my most personal post yet so read on should you feel like doing so. =)
My grandfathers passed on yonks ago and left my grandmothers behind. My Popo lives alone, whereas Mama lives with my uncle. One has to cook, clean and wash all by herself and the other is pretty much left alone at home, eating whatever she gets her hands on. Mama is diabetic and suffers from Alzheimer’s. Popo has a heart condition. Both are in their 80s yet they have been cast aside. Story’s pretty complicated but we can’t have either grandma over as one doesn’t want to leave home and the other only wants to pass on in her son’s home.
It saddens me to see them tear when they see us, not out of happiness but sadness as they both know their happiness will be short-lived. Popo, being verbose moans on how short our stay is / will be and tears up every night when we leave her home for Mama’s. My family does what we can for them but both old ones are set in their ways and cannot be coaxed out of it. We understand and emphatise with my relatives who have to ‘put up with them’ but still things do not go the way they should. This sounds a little vague but I’m just letting you in on the gist of what’s happening in my family.
Family matters aside, my skin decided to go bonkers since coming home, resulting in a trip to two dermatologists and ending with these items:
Cetaphil has been a staple in my life for many years now so it didn’t come as a surprise to me when the doctor prescribed this. Differin seems to be something Steph has used before and it’s meant to work for smaller pimples. Dalacin T is to be used on larger zits.
This horrible breakout is also one of the reasons why I have not been doing FOTDs or reviewing any colour makeup as no amount of concealer would cover those angry red blobs so I apologise for that! The breakouts have now subsided tremendously, leaving me with a stubborn cluster of zits on my left cheek and some scars left behind by those old zits. I should be able to resume regular blogging + makeup reviews soon! =)
Despite all the negativity that has clouded over my life, there are still ups. I hauled many a book recently (over 60!) and spent a weekend up in the highlands, away from technology just reading these lovely books:
No, I didn’t get to read all of them over the weekend but I managed three! Is that good enough? =D Throw me a book anytime and that will shut me up until the spine has creased and all the pages have been devoured. 😉
Phew, that sure was a lengthy / ranty read! A massive hug to you should you manage to plough your way through my incoherent writing. Also, a huge thank you to all you lovely readers who still have faith in me, and in this blog’s revival.
I will be back, because writing is what I enjoy doing most and I do apologise if my more recent posts seem rather lack lustre as I have not been my usual self.
Thank you for reading and have a wonderful weekend! xxxxxxx